Help, I’ve fallen in love with my sports stuff: Date Everything! review

Cassie Mammone

13.6.2025

Translation: Julia Graham

Pictures: Cassie Mammone

Date Everything! shows how fun a dating sandbox can be. Given the love affairs with household objects, this game doesn’t take itself too seriously, but it still tells interesting stories.

In Date Everything! the name says it all. A hundred (!) different household objects stand to attention for my attempts at flirting. The unusual concept struck a chord with me right from the first trailer. Its sandbox nature, likeable characters and interesting mini-stories turn this crazy idea into a wonderful romantic visual novel.

A dating sandbox for letting off steam

Before I face my hundred potential loves, I start in Date Everything! as a new employee in the customer support department at a large company. A lot of things go wrong during my first day at work. As a result, I’ve been «given leave» for the time being and condemned to spend my days at home, disoriented.

So it comes in handy when a mysterious person sends me a package containing what are known as «dateviators». These are magical glasses that bring everything around me to life. In my case, as an unemployed stay-at-home mum, this means my household items. But rather than just coming to life, they also become really attractive.

This is where the real game begins. I walk through the house and use my dateviators to activate various items. By talking to them, I get to know them better. During the conversation, I select predetermined answers that steer the relationship in a positive or negative direction. The effect of the options is usually obvious, as the aim of these encounters is to achieve one of three relationship statuses: love, friendship or hate.

If I achieve a status, one of my SPECS values increases by five points. The letters stand for intelligence (Smarts), composure (Poise), Empathy, Charm and Sass. Higher points unlock some advantageous answers. The points are also important for the end game.

If I reach a certain relationship status with an item, any further conversations with it are pointless. At least, not until I humanise it and bring it to life. Initially, the dateviators only show me an object’s «soul». Because I’m human, the objects look human to me. Although this explanation seems to have been plucked out of thin air, it doesn’t change my motivation to bring the objects to life. For this to work – and for me to achieve a good ending to the story – I need certain points.

Objects with heart and humour

Despite its straightforward approach, the gameplay loop never gets boring. This is thanks to the well-written dialogue and entertaining exploration, which always offers small rewards.

At the beginning, I only have a few items available for dating. For instance, my attic remains locked until I find the right key for it. It’s hidden in a secret room that the objects hint at when I talk to them. This makes me take a good look around my house.

Sometimes new items are hidden behind interactions with others. My washbasin thinks it’s a person who’s been cursed to be a sink. In order for me to investigate, I need to get to know the house detective better. That’s Maggie the magnifying glass. She wants me to help her with her own case. Rumour has it there’s an object in my house that’s not made of real silver but claims to be. So we set out to find the fake.

In the end, we solve the case and Maggie helps me with the sink incident. We celebrate our success with a romantic date and then achieve love status.

I have a wide range of potential partners to choose from:

• Rebel, the rubber duck: an angry nonconformist with a penchant for swear words and obscene sex. She messes with me and the rest of the objects in the house. But behind her hard shell is a soft core that, when you get to know her better, reveals the problems she has to contend with as a mass-produced item.
• Chance, the 20-sided cube: all Chance wants to do is have an amazing D&D adventure with me. Instead, he takes me into a story with twists and turns I get to decide for myself. The adventure is comparatively short but surprisingly entertaining. Reason enough to indulge in a bit of romance once the game is over.
• Dunk Shuttlecock, my sports stuff: Dunk is such a likeable guy that he speaks to me directly with his warm manner. He helps me look for a sport I can play. The focus is always on having fun, because Dunk knows what it’s like when the pressure to succeed becomes too much.

I wouldn’t have thought it possible that a dating sandbox with a hundred different characters could have so much depth. The game convinced me otherwise with its well thought-out approach and charming dialogue.

I also think it’s brilliant that the developer Sassy Chap Games incorporates trigger warnings. For example, some characters use highly sexualised language, while other characters have to deal with difficult issues such as toxic relationships or trauma.

When I meet characters like this, my dateviators warn me. Then I decide whether I want to hear about the object’s story. If a topic is too much for me, I skip it and instead select the relationship between us for myself. This means I miss out on the story of my mousetrap because I’d rather not have conversations about animal carcasses. The trigger warnings are exactly as they should look: clear and unambiguous. And when I respond to them, I don’t miss any of the game, except for some dialogue.

After about 20 hours, I can achieve a relationship status with all of the hundred items. This lays the foundations for one of the better endings. If I want to experience everything in the game, I have to play through it at least three times. This means I have to reach the relationship status of love, friendship or hate once with each item.

Polished to a high gloss

The design underpins the positive overall impression of Date Everything! The highlight is the high-quality and complete English dubbing. The voice actors include numerous well-known names such as Ben Starr (Final Fantasy XVI, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33), Troy Baker (The Last of Us, Death Stranding) and practically the entire cast of the popular D&D web series Critical Role. That’s why the soundtrack and dialogue are only available in English. It’s a shame but understandable in a game with such a heavy emphasis on puns.

All one hundred characters also have their own background music. The soundtrack for my adventurous coat hanger is relaxed and optimistic. Meanwhile, the sounds when I talk to Nightmare, on the other hand, are dark with dramatic notes.

From a tech point of view, there’s also nothing to complain about either. The game runs smoothly both on my PC and on Steam Deck. I can overlook the occasional stuttering when opening and closing the menu.

Date Everything! is available from 17 June for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, Nintendo Switch and PC. Team17 kindly provided me with a PC copy of the game via Steam for testing purposes.

Cassie Mammone

Freelance Editor

cassie.mammone.freelance@gmail.com

I wrote my first text about video games when I was eight years old. I haven't been able to stop since. The rest of my time is spent on my love for 2D husbandos, monsters, my cats and sport.

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